

For example, “I can tell your’re really frustrated!” You can also work on emotion vocabulary outside of the moment. Giving language to big emotions can help calm us down and process what we are experiencing. Tina Payne Bryson refer to this as the “name it to tame it” strategy. Name the emotion: Developing a vocabulary for feelings/emotions can be a powerful tool for self-regulation.Becky Bailey creator of Conscious Discipline recommends teaching children to STAR: Smile, Take a deep breath And Relax.
USE YOUR WORDS FAQ HOW TO
By modeling “taking a beat” ourselves, we show children how to pause, make a plan, and respond. Taking a pause before reacting is a life-long skill we can start teaching to young children.

That’s okay…We can use spaghetti noodles instead!” These “think alouds” show children that we all encounter problems and we can work through them. For example, you could say, “They are all out of spiral noodles. Next time you’re at the grocery store and realize they are out of something you need, model your problem-solving strategy out loud. Model problem-solving: When we show children how we pause and evaluate possible solutions, we are showing them how we work through problems.If a child is getting upset because they want something, instead of saying, “Use your words,” model for them what to say how they would say it (ex: “I want water,” “I want my toy, etc.”) Or they may know what to say, but they could be too stressed to come up with the words in that moment. A little one may not have the words yet to ask. Say it for them how they would say it: Learning language is a process.Using language that is specific and simple, tell them what to say. For example, “Can I have it when you’re done?” These end up becoming teaching moments and children will start to internalize the language for solving problems. Model the language: Instead of telling children to “Use your words,” model the words you want them to use.Problem-solving and social-emotional skills take time to develop. We can make life a little easier for them by giving them the language and coaching them through the moment. Add to that the frustration of not being able to communicate and we have perfect storm. Not getting a toy may seem insignificant, but situations like that can be highly stressful for a little one. Moreover, we are assuming they are totally in control when in fact, when we are stressed, our “thinking brain” goes out the window. We are assuming that they have mastered ability the to pause, make a plan, and know what to say in that situation. When we tell children to “use their words,” we are assuming they are choosing not to.


In other words, we need to teach them the words to use. We need to show children how to use their words. Do we want children to use their words? Of course! But this is a skill that needs to be taught. “Use your words” seems to be the slogan for preschoolers these days.
